Worst Love Songs/Poems Ever Written

Had history where I did some work for a change..
Music, where we did more work.Yay.
English...guess what we did? Yes, that's right - work!
And maths doesn't even need an explanation.
However cheered up by playing Carameldansen with Ludwig :) Still working on the perfect key change!

Called F up the other day...as usual the line was an absolute disgrace =='' She babbled on and I didn't even have the heart to tell her to repeat herself because the line was so atrocious. Sounds like they sure had fun at the class party...........

............Today, we're going to look at:

THE WORST LOVE SONGS/POEMS EVER WRITTEN

Ahem*coughs* take this list with a grain of salt and keep in mind, its just a joke and we all have different opinions!
1. Possibly the oldest one I could find, written by James VI, Mary's (of Scot) son for Anne, the Princess of Denmark:
'The fever hath infected every part
My bones are dried, their marrow melts away,
My sinnews feebles through my smoking smart,
And all my blood as in a pan doth play.'
Honestly - this is the ULTIMATE PROOF that love is VIOLENT AND GRUESOME and makes your brain turn to mush. What the hell is a 'smoking smart'?


2. Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus:

'You can tell the world you never was my girl

You can burn my clothes when I'm gone

Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been

And laugh and joke about me on the phone

You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone

You can tell my feet to hit the floor

Or you can tell my lips to tell my fingertips

They won't be reaching out for you no more.'

Okay. When I dump random hobos, I don't exactly feel the need to waste my time by burning their clothes. Agreed?

Tell his feet to hit the floor - What, oi! I wouldn't dump a guy who knew how to float in thin air!

3. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion: Okay. Apparently this is supposed to be the reigning monarch of ALL love songs.

Then why, oh why, does it make me want to vomit?

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on.

The first three lines sound stalkerish. Yes, I too enjoy staring at some random jerk while he sleeps and this is how I understand how he 'goes on'. Not.

Imagine opening the door and finding ye'r trapped in someone's heart! How horrible! Ewww...

'go on, and on...' To which all I can say is, yes, go on. Just go on; shoo get lost, out of earshot.

'Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on.'

Yes, we all know that 'to love' means, 'to love'. Thanks for the important lesson in grammar, mon ami. I for one needed that.

However, my awesomeness should take the grand prize for writing the worst love poem ever.(read it in a Scottish accent for maximum effect)

A Glass of Water

'Ye'r eyes are the colour of thunder,

And ye'r gaze sends me heart asunder'(in the sea)

Like tourists feel when they lose their map.

Ye'r voice - ach, me - it sounds like the music of Orpheus

Like a barge-horn in the misty sea!

As it sounded when I was lost on the river one day

And a group of singin' travellers playing a humble melodious accordion 

Came and rescued me

For in me haste I knocked poor Rachel and Emma of me raft.

This is how great me love is fer ye'!~

Ye'r what me' right hand is to me left hand

For it's not possible to form a handshake with only one (hand)

Chorus

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

Oh cruel angel, don't desert me now

Carry me on yer floaty wings

(I'm not too heavy that they'll be crushed, yeah babyEEEEEE)

Give me a glass of water, a glass of water for it is your hand that poured it fer meeee!!!!!

*

I know. I'm awesome.

No doubt Romano just heard 'My heart will go on'.

Next up (I think...) 'how to ask someone out' *sneaky grin*