A break from the the Mr Congeniality contest that is currently running - a snippet into my daily life, I hope this'll be what I hope it to be - bitterly sarcastic...(click on title to read on..)
Today was really uneventful. I was woken up with the tuneful ringing of my alarm clock, which I had forgotten to turn of because it was a weekend. Ah, a start to a beautiful day.
Then this random crow appeaed on the window-sill.
Crow: CAWCAWCAWCAWCAW (I'M A CROW! I'M A CROW! I'M A FRICKEN CROW!)
Alarm clock: RRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG(GET UP YOU LAZY GIT!)
Me: Nghhhh...5 mins more, please...
Yes. Look, LOOK at my Italy ahoge...well thank heavens its not like Italy's in that one crucial way phew!
Eventually I was pulled out of bed by an angry parent who was dreadfully hungry, having to wait for me to wake up.
After breakfast, I mooched around the house for a while. I was dreadfully bored, nothing to do. Ach, my life was a tragedy.
I decided to read my diary . I tended to keep diaries a lot and I had two fat ones and three thin ones form the past few years.
That proved to be EXTREMELY IRRITATING. I was almost tempted to take out my red pen and write sarcastic comments underneath. I almost forgot that I was the same person as I am now.
This is what I wrote three-four years ago.
16/2/07
'Dear Diary,
Today Pial came over to my place. Father dearest decided to make himself a cup of tea then. He was a great fan of 'all things natural' and so he had his tea with a spoonful of honey. As he stirred the tea, he told Pial with great enthusiasm that he was having tea with honey, and he then proceeded to ask whether Pial's family had their tea with milk and sugar or HONEY.
Pial replied that they had neither sugar nor milk but condensed milk.' (In my country, people either have tea with milk and sugar. However condensed 'milk' has become more popular in recent times, but its mostly a chemical really.)
I know. I'm the best diary-writer EVER.
'Dear Diary,
Today I thought about him TWENTY TIMES! I even counted! And then my best friend said that she can lend me her tea-set! YAY! Oops,my maths homework is rotting on the desk. Better shove it in the drawer.'
Hmm. I was VERY intellectual back then, non?
'Dear Diary,
Today was a VERY fruitful day. Today me and my father went to the science mueseum and then I came home and did some maths! I did 5 in a row! Aren't I SMART hehehee.'
Since when do people rejoice at doing math? What was wrong with me?
'Dear Diary,
Today I discovered that I had MAGICAL POWERS! So I wrote myself a spellbook.'
...what.
'29/3/07
Dear Diary,
I was SO AWESOME today, you won't BELIEVE IT. Today I won first prize in the song competition. I'm really excited as this is my entry into the ELITE. Some random's mobile phone rang during my song so the microphone went crazy. What a tense ordeal!'
When are they gonna finish making that time machine so I can go back in time and slap my younger self?
17/2/07
'Dear Diary,
Still depressed. Heaps and heaps of homework. No story - yarn to spin. Class tests from 3rd March - I can't believe it! This is so, so mundane! What am I, a walking, talking block of concrete?'
Hmm. I'll check - no, my arms and legs are NOT made of concrete! This is incredible!
30/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Today was the final match of the interhouse football (for Australian readers, soccer) tournament. It was soo exciting! I was tense all the way through! But I forgot to check who won and what the score was in the end'
Oh heavens. Was I really that dumb?
21/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Today I managed to retain my awesomeness in the midst of an awfully boring day. I heard some gossip about some random going to this other random's house (who was their crush) and being offered a glass full of water. Does that hold some sort of hidden meaning?'
Yes. A full glass of water either means 'Piss off LITERALLY', or..it can mean 'you are my little glass full of water! How romantic. Yes, to any boy who would like to ask a girl out, make sure you give her a glass full of water to ensure success.
22/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Apparently the random had the door slammed in their face. Another story goes how the randoms started fighting for no reason. Darn, I wish someone told me before, I'd have gone to watch, except I'm out of popcorn...'
I seem to have been as sadistic as I am now.
28/5/07
'Dear Diary,
...So-and-so's boyfriend seems to have run of some other girl today. I swear, he looks like a horse! Ah well, who cares, but I was really annoyed when I started talking about how cute my Gyarados was. Everone started laughing.I wonder why?'
And the prize winning one from last year reads:
'Dear Diary,
Today I had my friends over at my place. Sudia came too. She asked me whether I had considered dieting as she had embarked on a new diet program. I didn't answer as my mouth was too full with yummy Chinese takeaway.
I was also thinking about playing Pokemon. My Gyarados is soo cute! But too bad that the stupid Graveller beat my little Gyarados in the beauty contest.'
...Gyarados isn't cute! He's BEAUTIFUL! Such a tragic, misunderstood pokemon! *sob*
...
That's it for today people. Sorry if this wasn't entertaining enough ==''
Now, you must excuse me. I have to go and sing lullabies to my darling Gyarados. He's going to keep my whole family out all night if I don't sing to him, although I really don't understand why my parents turn the TV up loud when I sing to him...
Today was really uneventful. I was woken up with the tuneful ringing of my alarm clock, which I had forgotten to turn of because it was a weekend. Ah, a start to a beautiful day.
Then this random crow appeaed on the window-sill.
Crow: CAWCAWCAWCAWCAW (I'M A CROW! I'M A CROW! I'M A FRICKEN CROW!)
Me: Nghhhh...5 mins more, please...
Eventually I was pulled out of bed by an angry parent who was dreadfully hungry, having to wait for me to wake up.
After breakfast, I mooched around the house for a while. I was dreadfully bored, nothing to do. Ach, my life was a tragedy.
I decided to read my diary . I tended to keep diaries a lot and I had two fat ones and three thin ones form the past few years.
That proved to be EXTREMELY IRRITATING. I was almost tempted to take out my red pen and write sarcastic comments underneath. I almost forgot that I was the same person as I am now.
This is what I wrote three-four years ago.
16/2/07
'Dear Diary,
Today Pial came over to my place. Father dearest decided to make himself a cup of tea then. He was a great fan of 'all things natural' and so he had his tea with a spoonful of honey. As he stirred the tea, he told Pial with great enthusiasm that he was having tea with honey, and he then proceeded to ask whether Pial's family had their tea with milk and sugar or HONEY.
Pial replied that they had neither sugar nor milk but condensed milk.' (In my country, people either have tea with milk and sugar. However condensed 'milk' has become more popular in recent times, but its mostly a chemical really.)
I know. I'm the best diary-writer EVER.
'Dear Diary,
Today I thought about him TWENTY TIMES! I even counted! And then my best friend said that she can lend me her tea-set! YAY! Oops,my maths homework is rotting on the desk. Better shove it in the drawer.'
Hmm. I was VERY intellectual back then, non?
'Dear Diary,
Today was a VERY fruitful day. Today me and my father went to the science mueseum and then I came home and did some maths! I did 5 in a row! Aren't I SMART hehehee.'
Since when do people rejoice at doing math? What was wrong with me?
'Dear Diary,
Today I discovered that I had MAGICAL POWERS! So I wrote myself a spellbook.'
...what.
'29/3/07
Dear Diary,
I was SO AWESOME today, you won't BELIEVE IT. Today I won first prize in the song competition. I'm really excited as this is my entry into the ELITE. Some random's mobile phone rang during my song so the microphone went crazy. What a tense ordeal!'
When are they gonna finish making that time machine so I can go back in time and slap my younger self?
17/2/07
'Dear Diary,
Still depressed. Heaps and heaps of homework. No story - yarn to spin. Class tests from 3rd March - I can't believe it! This is so, so mundane! What am I, a walking, talking block of concrete?'
Hmm. I'll check - no, my arms and legs are NOT made of concrete! This is incredible!
30/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Today was the final match of the interhouse football (for Australian readers, soccer) tournament. It was soo exciting! I was tense all the way through! But I forgot to check who won and what the score was in the end'
Oh heavens. Was I really that dumb?
21/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Today I managed to retain my awesomeness in the midst of an awfully boring day. I heard some gossip about some random going to this other random's house (who was their crush) and being offered a glass full of water. Does that hold some sort of hidden meaning?'
Yes. A full glass of water either means 'Piss off LITERALLY', or..it can mean 'you are my little glass full of water! How romantic. Yes, to any boy who would like to ask a girl out, make sure you give her a glass full of water to ensure success.
22/6/07
'Dear Diary,
Apparently the random had the door slammed in their face. Another story goes how the randoms started fighting for no reason. Darn, I wish someone told me before, I'd have gone to watch, except I'm out of popcorn...'
I seem to have been as sadistic as I am now.
28/5/07
'Dear Diary,
...So-and-so's boyfriend seems to have run of some other girl today. I swear, he looks like a horse! Ah well, who cares, but I was really annoyed when I started talking about how cute my Gyarados was. Everone started laughing.I wonder why?'
And the prize winning one from last year reads:
'Dear Diary,
Today I had my friends over at my place. Sudia came too. She asked me whether I had considered dieting as she had embarked on a new diet program. I didn't answer as my mouth was too full with yummy Chinese takeaway.
I was also thinking about playing Pokemon. My Gyarados is soo cute! But too bad that the stupid Graveller beat my little Gyarados in the beauty contest.'
...Gyarados isn't cute! He's BEAUTIFUL! Such a tragic, misunderstood pokemon! *sob*
...
That's it for today people. Sorry if this wasn't entertaining enough ==''
Now, you must excuse me. I have to go and sing lullabies to my darling Gyarados. He's going to keep my whole family out all night if I don't sing to him, although I really don't understand why my parents turn the TV up loud when I sing to him...
4 comments:
Okay, so the first few were kinda funny. But the last one was just like... LOLWUT?
SING LULLABIES TO YOUR GYARADOS?! LMFAO. -w-
WTF??? YOU MADE A SPELBOOK???? BAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! AND THE GLASS OF WATER THING?? CLASSICCC>>> I THINK IM GONNA CRY!!
HAHA OH MAN, I can so relate to this. I was reading through an old diary from about two years ago... and the whole time I was thinking 'Good lord please tell me I did not write this.'
' I was almost tempted to take out my red pen and write sarcastic comments underneath.'
...I do do this, actually xD And then when I come back a year later the sarcastic comments make it a bit more bearable.
Woah~ I never thought someone would actually write sarcastic things underneath their diary entries! I also get angry/upset/happy/ecstatic after reading my diary, and then my friends go 'what happened?" and I'm like 'I just read something that happened 5 years ago and it made my angry AGAIN.
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